About fifteen years ago, I met an executive who was deeply concerned about the future. “I think younger generations will become less patient, as they get used to the Internet search engines. They crave instant gratification, and they get frustrated when they can’t get what they want immediately.” I chuckled in my head, as he was one of the most impatient executives I had ever met.
He was right, but only half right; I think we all have become impatient, young and old.
One afternoon last fall, my son was irritated. He said that he was helping one of his friends who was injured. But a teacher came up to him and said angrily “What are you doing?” According to him, “she treated me as if I was a criminal, when I was helping my friend!” Of course, I applied a 75 percent discount to his story. Asking questions over snacks, I learned that there were also several other kids who wanted to help this boy. That may have alarmed the teacher. Too many boys gathered in the hallway couldn’t be good, she must’ve thought.
When the end of soccer season was approaching, I suggested my son that he go to a field after school on Fridays to play with his friends. He frowned at me, “No, mom. I wouldn’t do that. My friends told me that they almost got arrested for just being there. I’m not kidding!”
He was playing for two soccer teams and had a busy schedule, so he didn’t have much unstructured time. I really wanted him to enjoy himself during the off season. To find out more, I called the township’s police department. A policeman said that the field was managed by the county, so I asked for the county police’s phone number. Then he admitted that they “help” the county police occasionally.
Next, I called the rec center, as they manage the programs and games for the field in question. The director politely said that kids shouldn’t go to the field when it’s booked for games. And he suggested that I check the website to see if the field has been fully booked or not. If it is, the kids who are not in those games need to go to a different (and I have to add, poorly maintained) field. I said thank you, but honestly, who would do that? Besides, he didn’t really answer my question: just because some kids were hanging out near the best field in town, did the police need to be summoned to expel them from the grass area outside the field?
Sometime soon after that, I heard that someone put a picture on the Internet as a protest against kids who didn’t put the candy wrappers in the garbage bin. I don’t know whether the protester told them to clean up.
Then recently, many kids were punished by the police for being loud in a local coffee shop. No violence or drugs were involved. They were simply so rowdy that someone called the police.
We’re getting increasingly impatient.
I wish those adults had taken thirty seconds to talk with the kids so that they would learn something.
“Hi. I can see you guys helping this kid, but you’re jamming up the hallway. If you’re not carrying anything for him, please go to your next classroom.”
“Sorry guys, the field is fully booked today, and many cars are coming and going. For your own safety, I have to ask you to go to another field.”
“Hi. Thank you for putting the candy wrapper in the garbage bin.”
“Hey guys, can you lower your voices? Just like you want to enjoy yourself, we also want to enjoy our conversation.”
As I grew up, I had much more unstructured time. And, I made many little mistakes during such time. That’s how I learned how to respect others’ time and space. I received cautions and admonitions from older generations. It seems we’re not doing enough of that: giving our two cents to the younger ones. When we do, we expect an instant improvement and that usually doesn’t happen. So, we may choose not to say anything the next time. But, usually, behavioral learning takes a long time. Think about diets or any of our New Year’s resolutions.
This is what worries me the most: if we stress too much on Draconian control, I’m sure the younger generation will develop resentment towards adults with authority such as teachers, policemen, coaches and referees. I can’t imagine anything positive will come out of it. If the kids take it to the extreme, they may disappear and go underground. They would go to their room or the basement where they can enjoy uninterrupted and unsupervised time playing video games with their friends through the Internet.
I’d rather my son and his friends stay above ground, rambling about the town and strolling to a store and a field, where they occasionally make mistakes and hopefully where someone seizes those teachable moments to dispense his or her two cents with them. That is what humans have been doing since the ancient times. Just because the Internet has arrived and is available on practically anywhere we find ourselves, we don’t have to store away one of our best practices. To give our two cents, though, we all need to relearn patience ourselves, and keep talking with the young ones even when we don’t see an immediate result. Let’s have a little faith; it’ll happen somewhere down the road.
That may be trying to us, but I believe that it is definitely worth trying.