I was in a car with two women, who also work in the intercultural field. One of them said,
“Our clients are all surprised by the size of Americans.” Newcomers to the U.S. encounter overweight people everywhere they go; therefore, they assume it is cultural. She then described her view of the root cause,
“Obesity is caused by lack of education. They don’t know how to cook healthy food.” Listening to her comments, I countered with my own thoughts,
“Well, that may be true, but there are other factors. If you don’t have enough money to buy good ingredients and enough time to cook, then, you tend to buy cheap food items that can save money and time. Unfortunately, those cheap and quick food items are loaded with calories.” She didn’t agree,
“They say that, but I don’t buy it. If you have 35 dollars, you can buy a whole chicken, a green vegetable and bread. That’s a complete meal. They just don’t know how to prepare healthy food. Education is the key.” With that comment, she closed out the conversation.
I was disappointed by my weak argument. I was also shocked to realize that I didn’t remember what it was like when I didn’t have enough money to buy groceries. How could I forget?
In the summer of 2008 my husband was looking for work and we had been optimistic that he would find a position quickly. However, the biggest financial crisis since the Great Depression hit the U.S. that fall.
He worked so hard to find a job that I didn’t see him much. He was out networking early in the morning and late in the evening. During the day, he worked to make new connections and sent out various versions of his resumes. He succeeded in finding several jobs, but was told that they couldn’t hire him due to their hiring freeze. They said, “we’ll let you know when we have the budget,” but none called him back.
Despite a series of disappointments, he stayed busy hunting for a job, and was not always available to take care of our young children. So, when I worked we often paid for a babysitter. If we had known that the financial crisis would last as long as it did, I would have asked him to stay home until the job market picked up. But of course nobody knew.
Without our main breadwinner’s income, we needed to be thrifty. I searched the Internet for ways to save money on groceries. Fish and salad disappeared from our dining table. I bought ground beef and carrots more often. I also learned some good ideas from Sandra’s Money Saving Meals on the Food Network. For example, I started buying a whole chicken rather than chicken breasts. I also made doughnuts using frozen biscuits dough. The kids were somewhat bewildered by my sudden change in attitude towards sugary foods, but they didn’t put up any protests against warm doughnuts.
I also allowed myself to make mac & cheese out of the box once a week. My favorite version of mac & cheese requires four different kinds of cheese, and it would have made my wallet thinner faster. My daughter sometimes made M&C, and I boiled broccoli and carrots. I felt a little guilty, but the kids didn’t mind the artificial orange pasta at all.
I even once went to where I’d never gone before: the frozen food section of the supermarket. I had no idea that there were so many microwavable packaged foods available. Some of them were on sale and cost only $2.50. I bought one, tried it, and then threw it away. It was too salty to give to my kids. But I understood then, that people more desperate than me would buy such packages, in order to send their kids to bed with a full stomach.
Every week I went on a shopping tour with my son: to a farmer’s market, a wholesale store, a less expensive gas station and then to a regular supermarket. He was a good sport about it, but one afternoon he had had enough. When I parked my car at the supermarket, he started to cry and refused to come out. One of my neighbors who happened to be there said, “Can I help you?” and then commented,
“You should do your shopping in the morning.”
I wished I could have done it earlier. But I had a conference call that morning, and then needed to work on a document. I realized that my situation was somewhat foreign to people who had more freedom in time and budget. I didn’t have time, and didn’t have enough money to buy time. Both my husband and I felt that we were perpetually working but stuck where we were. I wondered how other families in the same rut were coping with this seemingly endless tunnel where there wasn’t even a glimpse of light.
Even though the financial crisis continued, my husband started working in 2009, and I started to make healthier food choices. But if his unemployment had lasted any longer, I would have bought cheaper food with more calories, and that could have paved my family’s road for future weight issues.
During our financial difficulties, my son turned three and I took him to his first dentist appointment. He sat in a big chair and was scared. I held his hands, but he was already on the verge of crying. The dentist asked how my family was doing, and I let out that I was a little tired. He said,
“Thank you for bringing your son here. You work, you take care of your family, and you also need to deal with this.” He pointed to my crying toddler with his chin. I was surprised because I didn’t think that doing the bare minimum was worth appreciation. But it was true that even covering the basic necessities was a struggle. My eyes welled up. I learned for the first time in my life that being understood was significant to my sense of self.
So, I knew what it was like to have little money and time. Over the years that my husband and I have been married, we’ve lived through that several different times. But somehow I buried those experiences deep in my memory. I feel as if oblivion has hardened my heart. Then, kindness can come from remembering my own tough times? I hope I can be as kind and understanding as my son’s dentist to those who look different, for we all do our best for our family, even if some of us are bigger than others.